There are just some things that happen in life that are too complex to put into words, even the written word doesn’t seem to do justice to some of my own personal thoughts and feelings.
I struggle with things that are beyond my control, it’s such an uncomfortable feeling, knowing that these events are happening to you and there isn’t anything you can do about it. You are forced to take a different perspective on life and who you are as a person. It can be terrifying, but fear is something I refuse to feed.
I often lose track of where I am and what I was doing. I wish it was something as simple as being tired or some other outside force, but it’s something so much more than that. I can’t process the simplest things sometimes, and if you put me on the spot, more often than not my words will slip away from me and I become a bumbling idiot.
My mind is not my own, it often feels as though it’s being invaded by some unseen force, and all I can do is silently become a spectator and wonder how I can grasp on to the tiny pieces that still make me, me.
Today is a day that I am not myself. Today my body is revolting with my mind. I’ve stopped questioning why, because there never seems to be an answer.Not anymore. One day I will share my story, but today is not that day. Today I struggle to keep afloat.