Dawn-to-Dark Musings: 2017-06-03

 

I have been slacking when it comes to my blog. I was doing so well too. But it seems as though life has this uncanny knack of knocking me off-balance and throwing me into some new and foreign chaos. It happens when life is finally falling into a comfortable place. I suppose I should expect the unexpected, but I can never get used to it.

I am trying to rein myself back in, and take things slow. I have been overworking my mind, body and soul. The adverse reactions are starting to hit me, so that’s my cue to approach life in a different way. What that way is, well I haven’t quite figured it out yet. But I’m getting there.

My goal is to keep writing every day.

I can’t be that hard? Can it?

I will not burn out. I will keep creating, it is one of the things that keeps me going, leading me to believe that I am a productive and important member of society, even when my health fails me and tells me otherwise.

It’s just a bump.

 

C.A. Gallinger

Dawn-to-Dark Musings: 2017-04-23

My mind has been ignited with ideas. It seems to be flowing through me and creating some pretty interesting pieces of writing. I can’t seem to stop it, nor do I want to. Although the thoughts and feelings that come with this sort of musing can be overwhelming. There is no escape from the barrage of words.

What I need is balance, and I never seem to be able to grasp on to that concept. It’s right there, I can see it, but there is something holding me back. It’s a frustrating battle, one that has been at war with me for years. Either side of the scale is tipped, it is never unmoving, it is chaos. I am a mess.

It doesn’t help that I have been under the weather. Things seem to hit home harder in times like these. Little blip’s turn in to full, blown catastrophe’s. I’m sure it is some kind of talent, but it’s not one I want to have access to all the time.

Even these words are jumbled and all over the place. I have no reason for that, other than my scattered mind is trying to find some sort of answer. I don’t even know what the question is! I think maybe I will blame my cold meds for this.

Hoping for health and peace of mind. I know one of them will eventually find me.

 

C.A. Gallinger

Dawn-to-Dark Musings – 2017/03/29

Unfocused and slowly losing grip. That’s the theme for this week, and it’s not showing signs of stopping just yet. It has taken me a long time to come up with something to write here. I need to keep expressing myself and keep writing. I’ve been lazy and giving excuses as to why I have no time to create. The fact is that I must MAKE time. Even if it’s in little moments I can steal away from whatever chaos the rest of the day brings.

Make the time for yourself. This is what I’m coming to realize more and more. I am all about telling others that they need to focus on their own lives, goals and dreams, but I am the first to falter and forget about the things that really matter. It’s hard when it seems as though the world is toppling around you. Face it, life is hard, and there isn’t much that can be done about it.

The only thing we have control of is how we approach each situation. It is in our power to react in such a way that it brings us to a different line of thinking. Not everything is a disaster and the world is not against you, even if it feels like it sometimes. I know there are some days I question getting out of bed because I know that there is nothing good waiting for me outside the safe confines of my house.

It’s not true though. It’s those little things that we constantly build up inside ourselves. That little voice that we can’t always quiet that makes us question everything. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to question the world around us, but some things and events should just take place as they should. It’s okay to not have complete control of your circumstances, that’s when we have some of our most profound learning experiences, and it would be a shame to be denied such growth.

I am working on one goal at a time. Trying to write something, anything, every single day. Even if it is a few simple words on a blank piece of paper. It’s something, and it’s mine. Express yourself, any way you know how to. Tell your story to the world. That’s what I’m going to do, one small moment at a time.

I’m rambling again. It’s time to get back to the regular scheduled program. Until the next ranting.

 

C.A. Gallinger

Dawn-to-Dark Musings: 2017/03/08

Being idle can be such a dangerous thing, not only for the body but for the mind as well. It is so easy to get trapped into the easy way of dealing with life, pretending as though the harsh reality doesn’t exist and everything is in a state of perpetual joy.

But it’s not fine, I’m not fine and I don’t want to be fine. I want to be something better than that, better than my lazy thoughts. Dreams are just that, dreams, unless you are lucky enough to be living them, that’s another story. But I am not living my dream, and chances are many of you are not either. It’s so easy to get lost along the way, well life gets in the way.

In no way is this a bad thing. Things that used to be important take a back burner to other impertinent issues that exist in the here and now. Sometimes it’s not that simple, sometimes our minds change and we grow into something new. An evolved version of our former self. And there is nothing wrong with that.

I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to go out there and give it our all. It’s like we are afraid of being mediocre, mundane, boring. But that is life. This is how the real world works. Could you imagine having grand adventures everyday? I’m sure it would get quite tiresome. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

I haven’t given up on my dreams or bigger goals, it’s just taking longer to achieve them. Being steadfast and slow is one way to truly take all you can get out of this life, take it all at face value and welcome it with open arms. Or something like that. But what do I know? I’m just some hack writer who needs to take a nap.

 

C.A. Gallinger

Dawn-to-Dark Musings: 2017/02/27

There are just some things that happen in life that are too complex to put into words, even the written word doesn’t seem to do justice to some of my own personal thoughts and feelings.

I struggle with things that are beyond my control, it’s such an uncomfortable feeling, knowing that these events are happening to you and there isn’t anything you can do about it. You are forced to take a different perspective on life and who you are as a person. It can be terrifying, but fear is something I refuse to feed.

I often lose track of where I am and what I was doing. I wish it was something as simple as being tired or some other outside force, but it’s something so much more than that. I can’t process the simplest things sometimes, and if you put me on the spot, more often than not my words will slip away from me and I become a bumbling idiot.

My mind is not my own, it often feels as though it’s being invaded by some unseen force, and all I can do is silently become a spectator and wonder how I can grasp on to the tiny pieces that still make me, me.

Today is a day that I am not myself. Today my body is revolting with my mind. I’ve stopped questioning why, because there never seems to be an answer.Not anymore. One day I will share my story, but today is not that day. Today I struggle to keep afloat.

 

C.A. Gallinger

Dawn-to-Dark Musings: 2017/02/17

As I sit here sipping on my coffee and trying to shake those dreams out of my head, I get to look forward to the day ahead. Which seems like it is going to be chaotic. It is the running theme with my past few weeks. What I wouldn’t give for a few precious moments of peace and quiet, alas that is not in the cards.

Life can get so overwhelming, and I find myself getting lost in the grand scheme of things. I have not been able to focus let alone breathe and it is starting to take a toll on every aspect of my life. I don’t even know what I am writing here, I’m just writing for the sake of it, hoping that something will come from it but knowing that will not be the case.

How do you find balance in your every day life? I used to have it figured out, well… kinda.. And now I feel as though I am lacking in almost everything  I say or do. It’s as though I have become a spectator in my own life and I’m not sure how to break that wall to get back to reality. Although, do I really want to do that?

I don’t know. That’s my default mode right now. I just don’t know. And you know what? That’s perfectly okay.

I’ll just be here lost in my little world, waiting for the day I finally know.

 

C.A. Gallinger

Dawn-to-Dark Musings: 2017-02-01

I do not do well with confrontation. It has never been a strong suit of mine, but I have become more bold over the years and will speak up when something isn’t right. Today I did just that, it and threw me through a loop.

At my son’s school, just like so many school’s, there is an issue with parking and parents dropping their kids off in areas that are restricted. One of these places is the staff parking lot. There is a gigantic sign that states that you cannot enter or park in the school parking lot unless you are working at the school. It boggles my mind how many people undermine that and do whatever they please anyway. It’s something the school has been trying to rectify for a while, but nothing seems to work.

That’s where I come in. I volunteer at the school and I’m on the School Council Board. I have been working with the principal to find a solution to the problem, because one day someone is going to get hurt by doing something ridiculous (I mean some people let their kid out in the middle of a busy street! Who does that? Morons. That’s who). So we have come up with a plan for parents that want to volunteer their time before and after school to aid them in this issue.

I was doing my due diligence today. A parent in my son’s class decided to bypass the sign and park in the staff lot. When I brought it up to her, that this was the staff lot and there were teachers coming and going she said that she knew she couldn’t park there, but she was only going to be a “minute” and then she completely went off on me. Calling me every name under the sun, telling me to mind my own business, and that I couldn’t tell her what to do. To make things clear, I didn’t TELL her to move her vehicle, I just informed her that it was a staff parking lot and that she was not supposed to be there. She yelled at me in front of her young son, if that tells you anything about her character.

This is why I don’t do confrontation. You can never gauge what the other person is going to say or do. Even if they are in the wrong, which she admitted she was, she completely lost it on me. Deflecting her own “mistake” to try to justify what she did. She DID finally move her car, and came right back to me when she parked. Stating that if it was my job to look after the parking lot then I should talk to everyone else that parked in there too. Pointing out a car not parked in a space. It was a staff vehicle, they had every right to be there. She told me I should do my job better, and be more authoritative. This is a VOLUNTEER position, I don’t get paid to put up with people’s moronic nature.

Instead of backing down and looking the other way, I will continue helping. But this time, I won’t be alone. So many people complain about these things, but never want to get involved. I am lucky enough to have some great friends in my life who will back me up, and help when needed.

So what I am saying to you now, is that if you know something is wrong and it is in your power to do something about it, DO IT. Don’t be afraid of upsetting people, that’s their problem, not yours. I was so close to turning away and never doing it again, but that would mean I let someone not worth my time get the better of me. Don’t back down. I’m not going to. Don’t let people bully you!

If  you have held on this long, sorry for the long-winded post. My mind needed to be released.

C.A. Gallinger